ACT IV

 

 

 

SCENE II            A prison.

 

[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and SEXTON, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO]

 

DOGBERRY            Is our whole dissembly appeared?

 

VERGES            O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

 

SEXTON            Which be the malefactors?

 

DOGBERRY            Marry, that am I and my partner.

 

VERGES            Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

 

SEXTON            But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them come before master constable.

 

DOGBERRY            Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?

 

BORACHIO            Borachio.

 

DOGBERRY            Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

 

CONRADE            I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

 

DOGBERRY            Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?

 

 

CONRADE            | |  Yea, sir, we hope.

BORACHIO            |

 

 

DOGBERRY            Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?

 

CONRADE            Marry, sir, we say we are none.

 

DOGBERRY            A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

 

BORACHIO            Sir, I say to you we are none.

 

DOGBERRY            Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?

 

SEXTON            Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

 

DOGBERRY            Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's name, accuse these men.

 

FIRST_WATCHMAN            This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's brother, was a villain.

 

DOGBERRY            Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.

 

BORACHIO            Master constable,--

 

DOGBERRY            Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.

 

SEXTON            What heard you him say else?

 

SECOND_WATCHMAN            Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

 

DOGBERRY            Flat burglary as ever was committed.

 

VERGES            Yea, by mass, that it is.

 

SEXTON            What else, fellow?

 

FIRST_WATCHMAN            And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.

 

DOGBERRY            O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.

 

SEXTON            What else?

 

WATCHMAN            This is all.

 

SEXTON            And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show him their examination.

[Exit]

 

DOGBERRY            Come, let them be opinioned.

 

VERGES            Let them be in the hands--

 

CONRADE            Off, coxcomb!

 

DOGBERRY            God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!

 

CONRADE            Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

 

DOGBERRY            Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, and, which is more, a householder, and, which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass!

[Exeunt]